the past caught up..

after my exam today i managed to catch up with another sabahan guy who is studying in the same uni..so we talk about kk..the things that people in kk do..places of interest..then suddenly BAM! something unexpected happened..you see it happened sometime last year,early last year…its a funny thing really but i will leave you to judge it..

i was going out with one girl early last year..she happens to be one of the singer a band..so bla bla bla..nothing happened between us only that we became good friends..you see,she is from manila and she had a boyfriend which she never mentions to me..but the funny thing is the boyfriend is from kk as well..ahah!here is the tricky part..he is studying in australia..so she mention me to the boyfriend and guess what?i finally met the boyfriend which happened to be the guy whom i gotten to know today!hahaha…but it doesnt end here..while we were talking,she called him and suprisingly he passed the phone to me telling me that it was her calling all the way from JAPAN!wah…so since he gave me the phone,i gladly took it and talk with her!imaging the shock everyone was in..me,the boyfriend and her!wakakaka..actually this guy was looking for me for a year now and finally meeting me like this..wah…so the two of us talked about things for a long time just now..about everything and in the end we basically became friends..we settled everything gentlemen style…

it so wonderfull that both of them manage to got thru all of the distances..one in japan while the other one in australia..i dont know how they do it but they have been together for a year plus now..he told me that its not easy being her job as a singer and all..but he told me that its all about trust..well im happy for them..:)

its funny how people can manage to get thru all of this..well i know how it feels actually..the bond between two people must be strong..to me its not impossible..the long distance relationship i mean..its hard,i have to admit that,but yeah its not impossible..just as long as both willing to commit to each other..so i asked him,since you have found me..what are going to do?he said nothing..the only thing we did was talk for few hours..

well..its a good thing that they are happy together..i can see that in his face and basically from the way she talk to him…i wish them all the best and to all the other people in the world who is in the same situation..to me nothing is impossible…i have faced one of my past and i felt good about it..maybe someday soon it will happened again..i wont stop believing..

facing it…

for some reason i found strength in her,even with what has happened i still do..call me me what ever you like but im not going to let go..foolish i guess but that just the way i am..i guess that the part of me that never will change..letting go to me is the same as giving up but i know now that im never going to give up..most people will always find the easy way out but there are a small portion that just wont let go..:) so what that it happened that way,it doesnt mean that it will stay the same..someday it will return to you and basically you have to chose on what should do..in the past i have let go everything that i believe in and never faught for it..regretted it ever since and im not going to make the same mistake again..some how or rather,it will come back to you..so you need to hang on to that thing that you believe in so much..

i have taken some time to think and i have found the answer to all my questions..so im going to hang on to what i have and the things that i have lost..frankly telling i can have mood swings easily but i accepted that its just who i am…all of you that gave up easily,im going to tell you this..DONT GIVE UP!..easier said than done right?yup it is but what will that make you in the end?so im not going you to give up…i will back you up every step of the way…i will help you as well in everyway i can because that who i am…so what if people have stab me in the back…i will forgive them eventually..i will accept them back in my life…i have so much love in me..

i see her every way i go..and it made me smile everytime..yup she mean that much to me..why you ask?because she just does…if i have my own way now i would run to her now and tell her i love her..but my life is not like the movies,so im just going to say it here..I LOVE YOU..crazy?yes i am..crazy for her …ahahahaha…no no im not drunk..am perfectly sobber…im saying all this from my heart…

facing my demons is what im doing..and i feel good about it..what ever the outcomes,let it be so…its not going to be easy but bring it on…lets see what you can do to me now!

 

……..

i woke up early today,as usual,and couldnt find myself going back to sleep no matter how hard i tried..i hate facing realities but thats just the way it is..i dont think anyone of you really know whats going on with me except for a few..anyway,im not going to say it..im just going to keep it to myself..its hard for me to believe all the things that had happened but accepting it i must..i just cant stop people from what they really want to do..to me,their happiness counts..

unable to focus..

well im back here again today..its been very quiet for the past week and telling the truth it been difficult…im not used to this..it never happened before…but i guess there is always a first time for everything…im trying to get myself to study but as soon i see the books i just go into a damn sorry mood again..what a pity eh?after months of no alcohol,i see myself drinking again now..i have been drinking for the past few night not to drown myself in my sorrow but just to help me to not think..i know that it wont solves any of the problem im going thru now but sigh..i dont know what im doing!

writting…

So,im having my finals now and frankly telling,im not feeling very well about everything..more bad news keeps on coming to me at this moment but i just accept it as it is..its not that i want to but its just i cant do anything about it..i feel so helpless now..im pulling myself together..

as days goes by,i keep on thinking about whats going to happen to me..HAH!keep on thinking…i called my mum and few of my cousins…talked to my nieces and was happy to hear them saying they miss me..”things happen for a reason” and surely enough “what goes around,come around”…it depends on how you see it,it could be a good thing or bad..:)

oh well,since i dont have anyone to talk to,i decided just to write my feelings like i used to..someone told me to do that..:) its working but if its going to be like before,its going to be a long time for me to go thru things alone…

ah well,i know that no one reads this anyway but i just want to put down something here…hmm..i guess now im going to continue writting before i decided to post this…

on the verge of self-destruction but….

FINALS is on the other side of the door now..the last few days was the worsed days i had in this year but i dont think it will end that soon..i have to face many things and i have to make choices..its so sad that all of this happened to me but self-pity is the enemy now..i dont blame anyone for all the things that had happened..more and more questions keeps on popping up but i know the answers to all those question wont be answered for now…

Hard times…

well i guess im back for now..to put in words what i have been feeling..lately i have been try very hard to pull myself together..but i just can’t seem to do it..haven’t been eating properly,lately i haven’t been eating at all..if i did,it would just be bread..friends at campus really notice about me being down even no matter how hard i try not to show it and even sometimes avoid everyone..i never knew things will end up badly for me especially near my finals and on going home..it seems that im not really looking  forward on going home now..but it will do me a little if not some good for me..i have lost all sense of directions once more..i don’t know whats wrong with me..heartbreaks seems to overshadow me everytime i find a light in my life..i question GOD often now on why are the same things always happened to me..im not angry at him,just confuse with the things that has happened..the funny thing is that a friend told me that “good people always finishes last”..i’m a firm believer that if you love someone,love him/her with all of your heart..i do that all the time when ever i give my heart to someone..strangely,even though i know i’m going to hurt if something is to happen but i still gave my all..in the hope that “she” will do the same..anyway i never have doubt about them giving the same to me..