lying to protect who?

today was another crazy day in my time here in a foreign country..my day started out nice as usual but in the end of it,its the same as always..imagine this my dear friends..my fellow country man,malaysia that is,lied to me about things that he shouldnt have..its not like i was mad at him or anything but he made it so big that i lost friends here..now i dont know who should i trust anymore here..one friend that i lost was because of the fact that i was disappointed with what had happened..both of them rather stick to each other because of wanting to protect the other one..i really dont believe this..the only word i said was i was disappointed and not mad at anyone as i try to make sense of why it happened..

another funny thing was this guy is from Kuala lumpur..muslim la..hehehe..i said to him that he was the last person that i thought would lie to me..and he swear in the name of “Allah” that he meant no harm..i wonder why they like to swear..its not that i dont believe them,its just that i dont understand why should they lie..and the other person involve rather back him up..so be it then..i dont really care anyway..its up to them what they want to do..if the both of them want to stick with each other then its fine with me..i have gone thru times where i dont have anyone on my side during my times here so i think i would be able to handle it again..

The only people i trust here now are friends from Sabah..i have a few here and i can say that i rather put my life in their hands rather then people from the other side of Malaysia..Im so ashame of it as well but they chose to be like that and i cant stop them as well..Its only going to be a few weeks more to the end of the semester..i can handle it without them..after next week,i know that i dont have to communicate with them anymore..yep,i have my way of making use of the free time by myself..i have learn to enjoy myself without friends here anyway..but i sure cant wait till the time i get back home to meet all my friends there..i miss them..they are the “TRUE” friends..

Funny thing thou..even with this things happening to me,i dont really feel sad..i actually feel a certain degree of happiness as i know who r my my friends here now..well,i pray that these people who lie to me will find comfort with each other..im sure that they will be happy..anyway,i think that this is the best opportunity for me to build up my reputation again here..i want to prove to this people that they are messing with the wrong guy!

anyway,im wondering how my friends are doing back home..wish all of you are doing fine and i promise u all that i will see u once i get back..

i can’t believe this!

i really cant believe that i have let my guard down again..i thought putting my guard down will make my situation better but it prove that i made the wrong decision again..time and time again i have been mislead to believe in something that i thought i have control over..im proven wrong again by myself..it seems so easy at first but i found out that i am way out of the league of other..shifting my stance prove a vital blow to my self confidence once again..

what should i do?should i just let destiny take its course?i used to believed that i make my own destiny..that i control what ever happens in my life..should i give up on believing?i thought the new friends i have will stick up for me but in a way i was back stab all the time..not all of my friends though but most of them..the only friends that i trust now are the one from kk that are here with me..i know that they will cover my back in any situations..i should be at least thankful that i have them here with me..

well seeing that im facing all of this here,i need to sleep over it tonight and hope that when i wake up the answer or choice that im going to take tomorrow will be the right one..hope and pray that the answer will come in my dream tonight and i will definately pray for it..

before i end this post,im going to pen down my thought..

“being in the place where i once were many times before again, under the night skies with the moon glows and the stars shine so bright, thinking of the things that might have been while regretting the past of has been..sick of myself of what i have done and disappointed with the decision that i have made..time and time again i kept on telling myself, the sun will shine on my gloomy stormy day soon..why i wonder am i still the same?kept on coming back to the same situation i vowed to be out from..time will heal and so they say..but how much time will it take me this time?supports and prayers are always offered, and thankful for all of that i really am..how do i turn my weaknesses to become my strength?still searching for that answer maybe till time run out for me..i know my strength lies with someone out there,but would i find it in time before my time is up?”

something i thought i pen down

Never gone a day without me missing you

the thought of you keeps on haunting my mind

you are the first thing i thought of when i wake up

and the last thing before i go to sleep..

you fill my life with joy and laughter,

and my heart with love and happiness..

Never gone a day that i stop thinking about you

the way you smile when your are happy,

and the way you act when you are jolly..

You come into my life and left without warning..

playing with my heart as if it was a toy..

Never did i fill it with hate towards you

and hopefully someday it will be as what it was before..