life is too short to hold back…

i got a sms from my cousin back in malaysia informing me about the death of my uncle(mum’s brother)..i didnt believe it at first so i called my dad up..he told me that my uncle was in critical condition..soon after that,my mum called me up saying that its confirm that he had passed away..

it was a shock to me since he is still young..he died of heart attack..probably that was why i was feeling uneasy since my last post..

it made me realised  that life is really to short in holding back..so i made a decision to do all the things that i should have done or do so that i will have no regret..who knows,my turn could be next..

im sad that im not there during this sad moment for my family,especially for my mum..i know that it is really hard for her to lose another sibling..i pray that she and all of them will be ok…

P/s: to all that i have done wrong to..i would like to say im sorry..i do appreciate all of you for supporting me all this while..to the person i love, i still do love you..never did i change my mind!

~lzm~

restless feeling

“Far from home and away you, my heart grows fonder of you each day that passed me by..turning to the LORD for comfort each night, always praying for a miracle to come on the next day..maybe hope is gone to this losing battle..but is it a losing battle?..surrendering is an option that dwells in mind..should i or should i not, keep on fighting and believing in it anymore?..should i believe in faith and destiny?or is destiny mine to shape..i would trade my life just to have you in these arms once again..”

~lzm~

on the way home today,my heart suddenly become restless..i became so sad and felt a heavy sharp pain in my chest..something was wrong but i dont know what..writting this post,im still feeling the same..im losing grip on my life once again..sigh..what a time to have this kind of feelings..finals is coming up in a few weeks time..hopefully i can push this feeling aside for now and deal with it later..i know that i cant deal with this at the moment…

sigh..again!

I’m sorry..to everyone that i have done wrong to..i know i’m not perfect and so is everyone..why do it always have to end badly for everyone?funny how things connected in everyway..what had been done to you or what you have done to other will effect everyone..well it seems to happened to me everyway i go..no matter how i try to do wrong to other people but it seems unavoidable..maybe there are logics to all of this but i guess we will never figure it out..

how to avoid it all?how do we really find happiness?how come we cant forgive each other?maybe somethings are meant to be as it is..

i just dont understand all of this anymore..i tried so hard to make sense of everything that had been going on but it seems something we just cant change it no matter how hard we try..i hope people can tell me about whats wrong with me so i can change because everytime i try to change,something bad will happen..maybe its not me..but i cant help knowing that if i can change to make things better,it should happen..

Expressing my feelings with words..

Thinking about you all the time,cant get you out of my mind no matter how hard i try..the sweet scent of your perfume fill the air that i breathe,constantly reminding me of you..you have always been the only person im thinking of..wishing to be near you all the time,to feel you and to hold you,to have you in these arms..

placing kisses all over you,to show you how much i care and love you..i feel so lonely without you in my life..you are the only person im thinking of all the time..the only person that i want to grow old with..spending good and bad times with..the last person i want to see before i close my eyes and the first when i wake up in the morning..you’re so lovely..with your sweet smile and that twinkle in your eyes when you look at mine..drowning all my worries and sorrows..filling me up with joy and happiness..

~lzm~

i was in the city today and i just got home..i was at the casino most of the time.Had a few beers and did a bit of gambling..i didnt know wat to do..i was at home for the past 2 days..locked myself up in my room doing nothing..so as i was drinking and minding my own business,suddenly a sweet scent of perfume fill the air..i knew that smell straight away..i didnt know why but i suddenly smile..and all the things that trouble me this past week suddenly disappear..my heart feels light..my burden all lifted..its like a sign from God telling me that everything is going to be fine..

late night..

well..its 2 am here now and i cant find myself sleeping..funny thing though..im not even thinking or anything..im just sitting on my bed doing nothing..oh well,maybe i shud try to get some sleep..im having a full day of class later n i have to be up in 4 hours time..good nite everyone..

a piece of my thought..

Have you ever wonder how life could just change in a blink of an eye?

it’s a wonder how people could affect such change..it’s more a wonder how people who are effected by it,coup with it everytime it happened to them..some people take it with positive views and attitude while some take it the opposite way..how to really handle it anyway?do we just let it be and hope it goes away?or do we confront it and deal with it straight away..

The past if not dealt with,will definately catch on to you one day..so why do you settled it straight away?it’s not as easy though..some matters could be solve straight away but there are some that will need time or so call “cooling off” period..well what ever it is,it is best to settled it as soon as possible..the results might not be to our liking but at least it’s answered rather then for us to let it be and wonder what the outcome might be if we have confronted it..

hmmm..mentioning about this,last night i could sleep cause i was thinking to much on my presentation for today..(our group did really really really bad) it ended up with all group member visiting the student advisor room and had a session with him for nearly an hour..jacqui(an aussie) was so pissed off at the other two group member namely autumn(china) and jun(korean)..and there is me of course..hehehe..so the three of them was looking horns in the session..me?i just keep quiet and just smile at everything as im fed up with it as well..i have always been the peace keeper between them and i just kept my cool the whole time..btw,i dont think that they want to see me angry..LOL..so i told everyone that we should have a 2 day break from each other and not even mentioning about the assignment,WHICH IS DUE NEXT WEEK!,amongst ourselves..

another interesting thing way that i confronted the people that lied to me and forgave them..or at least one of them..the KL boy..the other one wants nothing to do with me anymore so i said that i respect it..so now i said that i wont bother them anymore and i dont exist in their life anymore..they chosed things to be like this,so be it..the dont know how cold i can be..bare in mind that they still have to see me for another 4 more weeks..hehehe..buat duh saja la!

hopefully the kl boy learn his lesson..not to mess around with me and never to lie to me as well..hmm,im still wondering though why did i forgive him and made the first move..well anyway,i would like to settle it and get on with my life as it was disturbing me as well..hehehe,after all of that had happened today..i end up drinking beer by myself this afternoon..hehehe..well i think i need the practice as im gonna go head to head with the KINGS ‘n’ QUEENS of AA back home..let see if being away from home have made me soft…hehehehehe

hehehe cant wait till the semester is over and going back home!

making the most of my day..

having presentation tomorrow for my management subject..it’s a group presentation by the way and i can tell you that this group is the worse that i m paired with..it’s falling apart now but i couldn’t care less anymore..i’m just gonna go a do it tomorrow..well i’m not so nervous anymore now that i have done two presentation before this and it will be my last..Thank goodness for that!..

well since everything started to go wrong again for me..(usually does at this time of the semester)..i decided to head down to the city as i have no class today..went out for some perfume shopping..i bought one for myself as well as i really like the smell of it..then after that had some sweet and sour pork with rice for lunch and went for a movie..was watching hell boy 2..it’s ok i guess but some of the things that was said really made me think for a while..the movie started around 4.30 and finished at around 6.00..hmmm,my bus was at 7.10 so i decided to grab something to drink while waiting..it’s good to taste beer again after a while without it..made me miss the KK beers more!hehehe…and definately the friends having it with..YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!hehehe…

well im not so excited about the presentation tomorrow but i just want to get it over and done with..so i can focus on more better things..hehehe..well i think im going to hit the sack now..it was in a way a good day for me..spending time with other friends that i love spending it with..ME,MYSELF AND I..thats all i have anyways…hahhahaha

The end marks a new beginning

Today begins a new chapter in my life here..The people that have done me wrong chosed not to talk to me..well i wasnt bother about that anyway as i cant stop the from doing what they want..its funny though,they really stick together..i guess thats a good thing for them..i know and believed that i didnt do anything wrong and i guess they feel the same way too..anyway,i couldnt be bothered about them now..its back to square one for me i guess..doing all things by myself again..i guess thats a better thing..why should i burden other people by letting them worried about me..i guess with age comes experiences and have that to my advantage..their way of thinking are so far of then mine..they let their emotions get the best of them without thinking about the facts..hahaha,yeah i know..i think to much but i guess this time its to my advantage..well i only have 5 more weeks to see their face..if anything should happen,it will be during this week but if nothing happen then it will last till the end..yes i do miss these people but its up to them what they want to do..if they do see me fit to be in their circle group of friends then its up to them..i will give them this one weeks to change the situation..

maybe its something wrong with me..i guess im the problem..i cant say for sure as only other people can say things about me..tell me,to those of you who knows me,am i that bad?i think so right..well i let it be then..i can only be who i am..if they can accept that well its up to them..this time its their turn to laugh but im pretty confidence that i will have the last laugh! they have won the battle but not the war! i will definately have my way soon but for now im going ride the wave of defeat! i know i have a solid group of friends who support me here as well as back home..these are the REAL friends that i will cherish till i die..

The backstabing here are worsed! well i had my fun wit them but i guess now i have to just go on without them..